Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Where is Paraiso?

I always believed in the idea of paraiso or paradise. Somehow, even as a little girl, I had a dreamer's mind always imagining pots of gold or a room made of clouds.

Paraiso to me is real, tangible and prepossessing. It always have been a place to go to or time to come. My idea of paraiso was like a drug to a chaotic mind. Growing up, I was always dreaming of a great perhaps.

When I was six, I imagined paraiso to be a day in the future. In retrospect, maybe I should have thought of paraiso as messy afternoons in the mall in the whole family. After all, those afternoons don't exist anymore.

When I was 12, I thought paraiso was in a different universe where a guy with wings is surrounded with blue balloons and is holding a sparkling pendant for me but then I learned guys with wings don't exist and receiving sparkling pendants don't feel as good as an arm around my shoulder.

Somewhere along the way, I imagined paraiso to be a walkway full of gold or a garden full of flowers. I imagined it would be movie-esque, unreal and enchanting to the eyes but also raw and pulsing with life. I hope Paraiso is where I finally touch the face of God. I hope it's where I can finally sit beside him and tell Him about my joy and love. I hope Paraiso is where there is no pain. I believe Paraiso is where golden walkways exist, lush gardens bloom, velvet flags on tower tops wave, and beautiful palaces fit for the King go on for miles and miles.

Now I know Paraiso is welcoming Easter hand in hand with my choirmates. Paraiso may be in heaven with Jesus but there are little pieces of heaven here on earth, little pieces of Paraiso.

Paraiso is watching the city lights glow or the sun rise. It's your younger brother growing big enough to carry you. It's looking at the guy you love regardless of how he feels for you. It's making a baby giggle with glee. It's a picnic with people who love you for who you are. It's dinner with your family. It's knowing you are loved but more present when you know you can love. These are little glimpses of Paraiso.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Still alive.

This Ash Wednesday, I decided to sacrifice social media for Lent. Eventually, I caved because of the photos accumulating and started posting on Instagram. I still haven't opened my Facebook and Twitter accounts, though. I have to admit I thought I would go crazy but I really feel great about having an escape from the constant stream of trivial info even for just 40 days. Less than 2 weeks from now, Easter will be here. I can't wait. I have this unrelenting feeling God has something in store for me.

Because of my lenten sacrifice, I felt no urge in posting in my blog either. I found solace in not having to talk to anyone all the time. I spent more time reading the Bible. I'm posting today because I feel like I should capture how I'm feeling into words. I feel calm knowing everything will work out. I still get stressed out but I'm learning to deal with it properly. I divide my time into parochial activities, family time, school, writing and my first real job.

Right now, I work in Microsourcing as a Web Content Writer. Not really knowing where this job may lead, I'm enjoying every learning moment. I'm just thankful for everything right now. Sure, I make goals and plans but I've loosened up a little.

I'm also graduating soon. It's scary entering the real world. I don't really feel prepared to leave my comfort zone but didn't someone say outside our comfort zones is where the magic happens?

I'm still alive. Still here. Still His handmaid.
Have a blessed Lenten season.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Buhay Intern. Buhay Saling-pusa.

Ang dami kong naririnig laging nagrereklamo. Kesyo napagtripan ng bisor. Kesyo nakursunada ng camera crew. Kesyo inaalipin sa trabaho. Pinagtitimpla ng kape. Meron pa nga, sa harap ko e napahiya ng guest dahil di marunong magtimpla ng kape. Ang benta ng mga pangyayari pramis. Meron naman sadyang di marunong makisama. Wala e, di maka-ride. Kung ano-anong reklamo. Buti pa ako, ang babait ng mga napupuntahan. (lol what)

De, seryoso. Ako nga ang bait na ng napuntahan nagkakaproblema pa din eh. Wala kasing perfect ojt. Syempre yung 200 hours, di naman sapat para maging super sipag at magaling sa work tapos super best friend pa ng lahat at magaling chumika.

Ang point ko lang naman e wag kang maghanap ng "somewhere you belong" kasi hindi ka naman talaga belong. Trainee ka. Observer. Voyeur. Outsider.

Hamuna. Ilang buwan na lang naman e gagraduate ka na. Saka ka maghanap ng somewhere you belong.
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